Zumbing for Speed!

Gym: Fitness First Arlington    

Address: 1310 N Courthouse Rd
Arlington, VA 22201

Class: Zumba

The Instructor Makes a Normal Gal Feel: Enraged!

The Classmates Make a Normal Gal Feel: Warm and welcome

On a scale of 1 (waste of time) to 5 (bring the stretcher), for a normal gal this workout is a: 3. It’s a decent workout.

Here’s the deal: Free Guest Pass 

If the Micro Machines man is still single (and alive), I’ve met the perfect lady for him. The Zumba teacher at Fitness First Arlington not only talks as fast as he does, but can also Zumb at record-breaking speed. This unique superpower is unfortunately not so useful when you’ve got an unbearably packed room of Zumba novices who are trying to follow along with you as your tiny voice and tiny body move at the speed of light. The extreme crowdedness at Fitness First Arlington made it particularly tough to keep track of the blurry ball of hot pink tank top and giant hair zipping around the front of the room.

I don’t know if it’s because she wasn’t wearing official Zumba! brand apparel, but I have to say that I was quite disappointed with this high-speed Zumber. She would pause before a song to teach us a dance, but would do it so rapidly that my lovely new friends and I would just stare at each other in disbelief. I knew things were really out of hand when I felt completely lost watching one of her demonstrations, but then realized once the song started that I actually knew the whole dance by heart from a prior class— I just couldn’t see that from her fast-forwarded take on it.

The great thing about this chaos was that it brought all of us participants together. This class was probably one of the friendliest I’ve been to in terms of actually talking with classmates. It was a good thing we made friends with each other, because the confusion led to Zumber-on-Zumber collisions more than once. We all empathized with each other, which is why I did my best to hold back my laughter when every time I did a turning move the right way, the girl behind me did it the wrong way and repeatedly ended up with her face nearly touching mine.

I was still glad that I went to class because it gave me the opportunity to sweat instead of just eating more Captain Crunch. But I can’t say that I’d recommend this class to other normals. It may get better if Fitness First invests in technology that will put a little blue light around the teacher, the way ESPN does to help viewers keep track of the hockey puck at all times. But regardless of my opinion, I don’t think Fitness First has to worry about how to keep their studios full. With a 20-person line at door waiting for yoga class after Zumba, I’m pretty sure that this fitness factory will keep on confusing DC gym-goers for years to come.